Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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