I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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