I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
no more duck duck goose at the bar
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
