Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
you told grandpa to call you daddy
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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