I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
