this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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