Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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