I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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