we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
