My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
