I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
