i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
