I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize