WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
