Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
