I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
