i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
