in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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