He uses pillows to masturbate.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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