I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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