Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
