My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
ttyl tear gas
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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