hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
