Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
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