shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
