I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize