1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
