After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
