so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
My hand turned me down
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
