All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
