I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
