May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
