dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
