Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Drunk is a universal language darling
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
