she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
