I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
