just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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