I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
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