If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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