His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
