He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
