people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
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