Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
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