I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
God, I missed his penis.
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