I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
