I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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