i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
