Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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