She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
