I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
