I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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