I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize