He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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