My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
