it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
