A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
