sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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