Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
