Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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