you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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