How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
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