That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
