After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
This baby is an asshole
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
