I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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