i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Randomize
