I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize