is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
