if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize