and she was petting her beer can
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize