There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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