Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
You were trust falling into bushes
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
