Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
