I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
