Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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