I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
