apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
